“Guilt is a poisonous illusion. Many languages don’t even have a word for guilt. Sure, we all feel it. But we also get to decide if we’re going to let guilt bring us down or not. Acknowledge the feelings, and then give yourself permission to let them go.” ~ Kris Carr
Contemplating how intrusive people can naturally be… and I have been pissing some of these intrusive people off because I refuse to play in their poison.
What do I mean by intrusive people?
Allow me to offer an example…
A few days ago, I saw a man nicknamed PL that I have known since I was a teenager. In the last few years, there have been several times that our paths cross in the street and I naturally find myself adjusting my “foot pedals” and speed walk away. Meanwhile he always slows down and with a big happy smile he extends his arms and says, “How come you are always running away from me? When are you goin to stop to talk to me?”
I always find an excuse not to talk to him. Well the same thing happened again a few days ago. Except that this time, I observed myself and I didn’t like what I saw. I witnessed my body posture changing… I noticed my heart started racing. I noticed I wanted to really avoid him and then I noticed that there was a part of me that wanted to tell him off… And then I noticed that I felt “guilty” over not facing him…
and then I started to trace my discomfort deeper.
This man is not a well adjusted man. He has been known to get violent when he snaps. In the years that I have known him and was naive enough to entertain conversation, he always violated my comfort level in some way. Imagine an adult talking this way to a teenager. The conversations would start about God and Jesus and end up about sex somehow. This man once told me when I was a teenager that “his spirit would visit me in the room and he would watch me and my sister sleep”… to make things even more eerie, he had an uncanny ability to read your truths mixed in with his perverted ways. He also once chased me up the stairs….
As I allowed myself to review all of this, I felt angry…
and I also noticed another shift…
I stopped feeling guilty.
I do not owe him anything.